idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
