Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
