so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont even know how to be here
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
