Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Couch. On fire.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
