I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
