I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
