He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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