Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize