I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
