Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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