you guys were way drunker than both of me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
