remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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