I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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