Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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