I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I didn't notice because vodka
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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