I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
