from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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