then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize