I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
