How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
