New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
