I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
