And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
