as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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