Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
