Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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