U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
