she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
