please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
