Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
