It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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