mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
