I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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