how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
