Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
