Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
