if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
