My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
where are my eyebrows?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
