I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize