My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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