There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
