i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
