my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
