So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
