just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
