It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
