We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
