I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
