Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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