I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
