I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
