ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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