I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
