Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
