I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
