Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize