someone threw a dead crab at me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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