whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
