i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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