Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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