ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
