I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
