sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
