a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
