she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
