my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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