I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
