I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
