1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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