I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize