so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
