I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
