i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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