chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
