i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
