If that was your dad, he is hot
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
