some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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