You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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