when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
thus making me awesome and them whores
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
